Saturday, April 14, 2012

Subway to the Center of the Earth


Groaning men
and tracks

of women who know
the carnal gaze

of tattooed jazz
in deep bass

as we’re heading down
a heated core

the violent shore
of tribal pound

a prophet’s sound
that says... 
                    we're
                              m
                                  e
                                     l
                                       t
                                         i n g

down a hole
of earthly flesh

with three stops left



Note: written for the dVersePoet prompt, "Subway."  

18 comments:

  1. Killer last line! I like this one!
    http://charleslmashburn.wordpress.com/2012/04/14/ah-the-aroma/

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  2. dude...love the rhyming through the middle...the flow of this is top notch...even got some concrete...love the movement...smiles.

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  3. That's and creative way to explain riding on a subway. Love it.
    http://leah-jamielynn.typepad.com/blog/2012/04/a-day-on-the-platform.html

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  4. This did it all! Down into the core - a hole of earthly flesh - true, too. Always that little rearrangement as the train slows, people standing moving toward a seat as other inch closer to the doors while still seeming polite. It's a kind of tyndall effect but with people. Well constructed and presented!

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  5. I could almost hear music playing to this. Very well crafted, and made me remember what it's like going down that hole.

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  6. very cool...you take this much deeper than jus down to the subway...and then you get us back on track with the closure again...i like

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  7. Great write, really enjoyable.

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  8. I would not wish to go down that hole. LOL It all sounds too much for a slightly claustrophobic.
    Great write.

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  9. I like the earthly flesh and carnal gaze as we go down the tunnel ~ Nice one ~

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  10. So nice- love the 'melting'- there's an economy of words here but this says everything and more- just bought the images of the subway and all it's colour straight into my mind

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  11. This really gets me, and the allusion to the Wizard is very apt, given the fantasyland that the subway can be. I got the rush and crush of the experience and think you capture in a very real way the reality of those rides. There's always so much going on underground, so I think getting to the heart of it can be extremely difficult. You have done it with a living moment of words.

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  12. Some time soon those steps are not going to stop going down. Was late when I wrote mine so now a video performance in place

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  13. That last line really seals it. Cool write.

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  14. Love the different take on the prompt, very creative. The projection on melting is very cool as well, very nicely done. thanks

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  15. Thoughtful in its simplicity. Great write!

    Hank

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I view poetry as a kind of conversation, but on a different level, so feel free to write a comment or drop a few lines of verse in response.

Also, please feel free to offer suggestions or edits that can improve the work. I won't take it personally. ;-)